5 Things You Must Absolutely Never Do in Bed

No matter who you are or claim to be, everyone was a rookie in the world of sex at one point in their lives. Sex is something you learn about from your parents, peers and online; something you practice with partners, &close friends& and even yourself; and something you strongly desire to master.

While there is usually at least one friend in every group who claims to know everything there is to know about sex, this is typically due to their constant porn habits instead of actual field experience. And as most of you know, I'm sure, porn does not accurately depict regular, every-day-sex between you and your loved one or a random from the bar. Unless that random from the bar happens to be a pornstar, then you're in for the night of your life.

Anyways, everyone's sexual experience varies, and things that work for some people may not work for others. They typically say that the best way to learn in life is by trial and error--which I highly agree with usually--but gaining experience in bed through this method can be very risky and unrewarding. There are definite do's and don'ts in bed, and the sooner you learn them, the better.

Whether you're Mr. Slick and have zero problems in bed or you're Steve Urkel and wouldn't know where to begin, here are five things you must never do in bed:

  1. Don't Stick to One Position

    While you may work best in a certain position or at least think you do, don't be predictable and boring by sticking to a single position the entire time. Familiarity can be nice and comforting, but most people aren't having sex looking for nice and comforting. Maybe start in your go-to position to get things started, but quickly plan to switch things up with something totally different.

    If you were typically on the bottom before, take the top and give your partner a chance to relax and enjoy while you do most of the work. You could even research a few positions online and see what does and what doesn't work with your partner. There are hundreds, maybe even thousands of sex positions to choose from, although many may require you be an elite gymnast or at least crazy flexible. Get yourself the kama sutra and explore your options.

    Just make sure to keep things refreshing and new, but also realistic. Even changing the room you have sex in could drastically improve the sexual experience. No matter the case, never stick to a single position the entire time--no one likes a one-trick pony.

  2. Don't Assume Everyone Is Pleased Synonymously

    One of the most crucial mistakes you can make in bed is assuming you know it all. Just because you knew exactly how to make your last partner's toes curl back and entire body shiver, doesn't mean it'll work on your next partner.

    While this may be a big shocker to some of you, not everyone is aroused and pleased in the same ways. Some people may prefer direct contact to their areas of arousal while others may only enjoy being teased or gently caressed around the body. Some may prefer missionary style to get off on the passion of looking into each other's eyes, while others may enjoy doggy style to get aroused by the lack of eye contact or face-to-face interaction.

    No matter the case, never assume one method of pleasure in regards to a past partner will produce the same results in your current or future partner. It is important to pay close attention to your partner's reactions when you switch positions and see what works best and when.

  3. Don't Say Your Ex's Name

    This one is a no-brainer. But ironically, that's when you usually mess up and let your ex's name slip instead of your current partner's, when you aren't using your brain.

    While doing this can be detrimental at any time or any place, saying your ex's name in bed is by far the worst time or place possible. Nothing will turn off your partner more than the idea that you are thinking about your past lover instead of them. They will feel diminished, disrespected and desexualized just as fast as you let your ex's name slip out of your mouth.

  4. Don't Fart

    I am serious. It is comical, yes, but 100% serious. Do not fart. Absolutely do not fart while in bed with someone unless you've been dating forever and nothing can possibly turn you off from one another. Unless that is your case, absolutely zero farting while in bed.

    Nothing can dry up or soften a person more than a raunchy, trumpet-like fart that squeezed out your sweaty ass while you're getting it on. The idea of it could be enough for your partner to call off the session and get dressed, the sound of it could be enough for them to leave entirely and the smell of it could be enough for them to never text or call you back again.

    It is best to play it safe and hold it in; maybe say you need to use the restroom or grab some water and then let loose once you're out of the room. Either way, that stomachache fueled by held-in farts is going to be worth it, trust me.

  5. Don't Force Your Partner Into Anything

    This is definitely the most serious and important rule on this list. Not because it may keep you from making a fool of yourself like saying your ex's name or farting would, but because it is a significant issue dealing with the feelings and consent of another person.

    Do not ever force someone to do anything they are not comfortable with, in all aspects of life and especially in the bedroom sexually. Nothing is creepier and more demoralizing than someone forcing you into a sexual act you are not comfortable with. In many cases, this can be considered rape, no matter how well you know the other person.

    Don't be that scumbag that has to force people into things to get the pleasure you desire. A reputation like that is something you can't come back from and one that no one will allow you to forget or hide away from. Sit down and discuss your needs and limits. The best way to do this is to create a want, will, wont list.