Have you ever looked around and suddenly became aware of how painfully single you are? You're not even happily single anymore. All your buddies who aren't in relationships, or are on their way there, are at least capable of a successful one night stand or attaining a reliable fuck buddy. Maybe you just broke up with your long-time girlfriend, maybe you've had other things on the brain for too long, perhaps you've hit a dry spell. Regardless of how you got here, you're stuck in this sexless, romance-less dessert, man. I'm sorry I have to tell you this but… You've lost your game bro.
If you already haven't already, you're going to go through a rough patch whilst dealing with your recently departed sensual prowess. You're going to go through denial (Me? Single? Common, I don't have a problem, I can get a date anytime I want…), followed by a brief period of anger at the opposite sex for not Frealizing how irresistible you are. Then comes the desperate stage, where you find yourself basically willing to straight up barter to get a date. This is then quickly succeeded by a stretch of depression, which is the most dismal of the stages. You might find yourself living in food stained sweatpants, not even trying to bro out because all your homies are busy getting some, maybe even drinking excessively while watching rom-coms.
Hopefully, you've reached the final stage of acceptance - or are at least running out of Ben and Jerry's by now. I've compiled a list of reasons of why you've reached the #ForeverAlone stage. My goal is to yank you out of the depressive stage and push you into the light of acceptance on onto the road to redemption.
Okay, maybe you're a guy's guy. This isn't a bad thing at all! Unless you're spending all your time with your bros. Focusing on your friendships and swearing off dating can be a perfectly healthy thing! Especially, if you're recently single or narrowly escaped some girl drama with some deep wounds. But sometimes guys get lost in it. I've seen this a lot with frat guys and other close-knit groups of men. They're so focused on having a good time with each other that they completely forget about the opposite sex, often until it's too late and they're completely hammered.
Hanging out with your buddies is one thing, but sometimes you need to branch out. At the very least, make some female friends or hang out with them for a change. Instead of making it a sausage fest invite some girls to inject a little estrogen into the situation. Your buddies' girlfriends usually have single friends. Make it a double, triple, or quadruple date night. Or invite them to the party your throwing or the bars. If you have any platonic lady friends, hang out with them and their single friends. If you're in a group setting, just make sure to shift your attention from your bros to the girls.
This is the complete opposite of the above problem. Sometimes you start doing things on your own, and it stays that way for a while. Sometimes it feels difficult to reach out, especially if you've spent a lot of time at work or studying and are just now finally getting a break. People get lost in their own world. They become homebodies and end up Netflix and Chilling by themselves with a bowl of popcorn.
If you find that you're walking around with your headphones in and are spending most of the time with you, yourself, and you alone, it's time to unfurl your wings like the social butterfly you are. Reach out to your buddies and do something. Say "yes" to more social situations. Met your friends at a bar or a party where there are not only other dudes around but real, live, human women. Be more talkative when you're out by yourself, this means leaving your headphones at home or at the very least letting one hang free of your ear. And if you're still having trouble being more social and meeting girls there are plenty of dating apps out there to help you make contact.
I've found that a lot of the issues like this one and the ones listed below stem from the top two problems. If you find that most girls you talk to are running scared, it's probably because you completely forgot how to speak to them. Talking to girls you're interested in is an entirely different game than talking to your bros or your longtime friends who happen to be girls. You need to remaster the right amount of charming and cheeky-ness that women respond to.
Steer away from talking about beer and gains and the Madden 2016 release date, unless she's clearly interested in those things; but common let's face it, while some girls are gym rats and beer connoisseurs, maybe 1% of the female population actually cares about Madden. Talk about common interests, compliment her (but not too much), be charming and chivalrous but still maintain some cheek without being too vulgar. Girls need more eye-contact to feel a connection, so look her in the eyes and put your phone away. Actively listen and face your body toward her, so she knows you're interested in what she has to say. The best way to get acclimated to talking to girls is actually to talk to them. You're going to probably strike out a few times, don't get butt hurt, keep trying. The best tip I can give you is to make them laugh without making lewd or politically incorrect jokes. A sense of humor is incredibly sexy.
This is how plenty of painfully single guys end up in the friend zone. They forget how to make moves altogether. After sitting on the bench for too long, guys forget how and when to let girls know they're interested. I've found that guys with this flirting handicap, forget what is too little of a gesture versus what's too grand. A few scattered compliments and chivalrous gestures aren't enough to let that cute girl at work know you like her! So if you ask her out, it seems like it's come out of nowhere and will earn you a 'no' that might be followed by something like, 'I just see you as a friend' or worse 'You're just like a brother to me.'
To evade the friend zone, you need to make it clear that you're actually interested in her. This is when knowing how to talk to girls comes in handy, so make sure you're getting in a lot of practice. Make sure you're chivalrous gestures are followed up by a little flirtation, so she knows you're not purely being polite. And don't immediately send her flowers, build up to a gesture that grand. And if you're doubtful about a move, ask a trusted gal pal's or a flirtation-savvy bro's advice.
Not to sound shallow, but looks are important. Maybe the reason you're not getting any is that you've stopped caring about your appearance. If you find that your body looks more like shapeless mush than a dad bod, much less sculpted this might be your issue. Okay, so maybe you hit the gym, but you're just as guilty if you hardly color coordinate or don't bother to wear anything but dirty basketball shorts. Girls like a guy who actually takes care of himself. If you and your trashcan look like twins, it might be time to make a change.
Get back in the gym and stop poisoning your body with excessive amounts of alcohol and junk food. Eat a vegetable or two; a better diet isn't only better for maintaining a decent body, but it'll make you look - and smell - better overall. If you've already nailed down a decent gym regimen and diet, do your laundry. When you leave the house, try to dress a little better. I know it's hard, but put on some real pants or at least try to dress like an athletic wear model. And if you even own a fedora, burn it. Just set it on fire. If you're having trouble with either working out or dressing well, consult the internet. Instagram and Pinterest are fantastic, not to mention cost-effective, resources.
This particular brand of blindness is most common around finals and in men who are extremely focused on work or some other goal. You're so wrapped up in your own world that you don't notice the women around you. You're too busy with Bio to notice the girl in your study group who's absolutely smitten with you. You can't stop thinking about that problem at work long enough to see that the barista handing you your coffee is eye-flirting. Give yourself a break, man.
While your work and personal goals are paramount, so is human interaction. It's just as important to get your shit done as it is to take a moment to relax. Be aware of the women around you! It's likely that if you're going girl-blind, you’re neglecting your platonic relationships as well. So leave a good tip and your number for that barista, but make sure to check in with your friends and family as well.
So maybe you haven't been going through a complete and utter dry spell. Maybe you've been hooking up with girls occasionally, but you find that things keep fizzling out after the second date. If you're looking to casually date, then maybe this is an ideal situation for you. However, if you're after a relationship that might blossom into something more serious or a FWB situation, this may be less than desirable. If you look back on your actions, you may find that you've unknowingly been blowing these girls off.
Guys tend to put hanging out with their bros or themselves first. If you want to have something long term you need to learn to make some sacrifices once in a while. This might mean blowing off poker night to see a chick flick, or going to a party with her friends, not yours. Relationships, whether it be about casual sex or serious companionship, are about putting the other person first. Compromise. Stay in instead of going out. Go to the bar she's at even if it's further away than your favorite pub. For the love of god, make her cum first. Pay for dinner, or at least buy her some drunk food before you go home together.
Okay, man. Now that you've soaked in some knowledge I hope you've at least put down the ice cream and made it this far. Pull yourself out of the sad, hopelessly single rut you're in and get yourself together. Embrace the charming, lady-killing, sexual maven that you once were. Get out there and reclaim your game.