"Nice guys finish last" is an all too common phrase that has plagued young men throughout the entire world. Some stand by its message as though it was written by the sex Gods, while others merely brush it off and pay it no attention; it all depends on one's personal experiences and those of their friends.
No matter the case and against popular belief, there actually is a way to be a nice guy and still shag on a regular basis. It's all about whom you're nice to and when you do it. It's impossible to please everybody no matter how hard you try, so, in a sense, just stop trying.
Maintain your charismatic personality, just stop going out of your way to help others; stop going that extra mile for someone when they wouldn't do the same for you. It's not about being a tough guy or an asshole; it's merely about being a gentleman when the time calls for it.
So continue smiling at babies and getting stuck holding the door open for a whole conga line of people, just begin to focus the majority of your compassion and attention on yourself. Down below are five tips to help guide you along the way:
A key component to shedding off the nice-guy persona is having a voice of your own. Real friends don't agree about every little thing-whether it concerns a movie, a sports team or a brand of beer, it is important that you state your own opinions and preferences.
I don't mean that you should automatically oppose your friends simply to stand out and create conflict, but merely don't be afraid to stand alone on a matter and be true to your feelings. Nobody enjoys being around someone who agrees with every little thing just to seem more likable and relatable.
People enjoy someone who is genuine and self-confident; someone who understands that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and knows that is exactly what they are: opinions. Individuality is crucial in gaining girls' attention and seeming more attractive, so start thinking for yourself and speak up.
Dropping your own priorities in order to help a friend or significant other is a very nice thing to do, but once your own goals and ambitions begin to suffer due to theirs, then it is time to start saying "no."
Being dependable and able to be counted on is a wonderful trait that not too many people possess, but such a trait can quickly turn into people taking advantage of you and being underappreciated. As great as it is to see friends succeed and be a part of that, you and your own goals and desires should ultimately be your main priority.
It's healthy and attractive to have your own needs and goals, and to work hard to fulfill them at every chance you get. Do your best to avoid relationships where you are constantly giving and never receiving, as that is clearly one-sided and not mutually beneficial. As soon as you begin respecting yourself and your own goals and desires, others will begin to as well.
Stand up for yourself and don't allow people to disrespect or ignore you. You aren't being a good guy by letting someone cut you in line at the bar or for allowing a date to stand you up; you're being a coward, and more important, a pushover.
Merely acknowledging to a person that they've disrespected you in some sort of way will tell them that not only did you notice, but that you have enough self-respect to bring attention to it.
Let people know that you not only deserve respect, but you demand it. If someone tries to take advantage of you or belittle you in anyway, stand up for yourself and don't let it happen again. Whether this means cutting someone out of your life, or starting a slight confrontation with a random dude at the bar, it is crucial that you show people your self-worth and self-respect. This will build your confidence and destroy your repuatation as a push-over-nice-guy type.
No one is going to care for and love you like you will. It is very important in life to find happiness within yourself and never count on someone else to make you happy.
As soon as you allow someone else to dictate and control your happiness, you are in constant danger of living a sad and lonely life. Because people disappear from other's lives all the time, and it would be devastating to have your happiness disappear with them.
You must base your self-worth not on the approval or affection of others, but instead on your own actions and efforts. You will constantly face criticism and negativity in life, but it is important you don't shy away from this. Instead, be confident in your self, do what is right and brush off any negativity thrown your way.
A person who is happy with not only themselves, but also with the way they choose to live life and present themselves, automatically attracts attention and portrays a fun person to be around.
This tip can seem counterproductive to everything else I've just told you above, but it is actually one of the most important ones. After all this self-evaluation and new sense of worth, you have to continue being nice, just as before when you were deemed the "nice guy."
The key to this is simply putting a limit on your helping hand and utilizing this newfound confidence you just worked up. Instead of being a nice guy and letting people take advantage of you, become a gentleman. Hold doors open for girls, offer to carry their books, but ask with confidence and don't show any sign of regret or offence if they say no.
Everything is better in moderation and this includes helping others. Don't be overbearing or suffocating, but find a good balance between helping others and focusing on your own troubles. And remember to always remain humble.