13 Insanely Hilarious College Sex Stories (#3 Will Make You LOL)

College life is a work-hard, play-hard kind of existence. After a long day of studying there is nothing like having a cold beer (or 10) to wind down.

When you are broke and often both drunk and horny things, are bound to get messy. These stories are a testament to how filthy a college student's sex life truly is.

Here is a collection of some of my favorite college hook up stories from my friends. Enjoy!

  1. I went full on scortched earth and banged his fire-crotch roommate.

    "When I was living in the dorms I met this guy, Alex*, at a frat event. My date ditched me - because of course, he did - and I ended up hanging out with Alex on the couch until he offered to walk me home. We lived in adjacent dorm buildings, which later became my excuse to get him to walk me home.

    After a Burnettes soaked night, we went back to my dorm to hang out. We talked for a long time about music and planned to hang out between making out before finally doing the do. We talked more about our plans to get coffee and talk before passing out in my luxurious extra-long twin bed.

    But the week came and went, and my texts had still gone unanswered. I'd never been ghosted this hard so I was pretty upset and confused. I had one of my other friends do some snooping only to find out that Alex had lied about wanting a date to get in my pants… shocker.

    Maybe a month later I was out at another event for that same frat when I met Ben, who just so happened to be Alex's roommate. He started flirting with me, and that's when the vengeance plot came to me… That night we went back to his dorm and got it on in his lofted bed. In the morning I noticed that Alex had come back while we were asleep. Sure that he'd seen me and with my comeuppance had, I made the short trip to my building.

    The best part is that Ben was better in bed and I actually ended up getting a solid FWB out of Ben for about a year."

    - Alissa, 21

  2. Woke up almost an hour from my house in a stranger's bed.

    "Nothing will make you question your drinking habits more than a blackout.

    I've only ever blacked out a few times, but none of them were ever fun. You always feel like the walking dead after and there is nothing worse than the shame you feel when your friends inform you of your drunken actions.

    One night after a particularly rowdy night, I woke up next to a stranger in that stranger's bed.

    I ninja rolled out onto the floor, quickly collected my clothes, put my pants on, and ran out the door before I could lace my shoes. When I stepped outside, I realized I had no idea where I was.

    I walked a couple of blocks before calling an Uber. I then realized I had somehow ended up a 45-minute car ride away from my house.

    I'm never drinking again… or until next weekend…"

    - Harrison, 25

  3. The award for the farthest tampon toss goes to... me!

    "I was making out with my boyfriend at his place. In their backyard, they have this two-level loft thing where they throw parties. Downstairs they have a pool table and upstairs it's empty of furniture so people can dance. It's empty except for speakers, which is where we were making out.

    Things were getting hot and heavy, so we decided to have sex. But there was one problem… I had a tampon in.

    I was just finishing up my period so the tampon was mostly a precaution to protect my new Victoria's Secret undies. So, while he was looking for a condom I quickly pulled it out. But of course, there was no trashcan.

    So I threw it out the window into their douchebag neighbor's yard. Sorry, not sorry."

    - Esther, 21

  4. I let a girl give me a tattoo to increase my chances of getting laid and it worked.

    "Over the course of the school year, I worked on campus with this girl Stella. She had always been my boss, so I never made a move, but toward the end of the year, rules became more like suggestions.

    At this end-of-the-year work party, I ended up hanging out with her. We were both pretty trashed and vibing pretty well, so we went back to her place to escape the company of our less agreeable co-workers.

    Back at hers, we were talking, and she mentioned how she'd just started learning how to stick-n-poke. I - wanting to show her the badass that I am and spend more time with her - asked her to give me one. So she did.

    She poked a crude smiley face onto the side of my hand. After that we ended up smoking a little weed and getting it on.

    In hindsight, I'm fortunate I didn't get tetanus. However, I did get a free tattoo out of the whole thing."

    - Steve, 22

  5. The key to a good study sesh, is a sexy study break

    "It was about 9 o'clock the night before my history final when I went to the study lounge. At this point I hadn't studied at all so I figured I should have tried to get something done.

    This guy I recognized from the class I was studying for came in about an hour after me. I was sitting with a few friends, and he joined us. I asked if he was studying for the history class, which he was, and we started comparing notes. Because studying with friends is hardly ever productive, we started goofing around and talking.

    I noticed that started getting flirty with me and I, half out of procrastination, started flirting back. As the night went on, the study lounge started to thin out until it was only him and I left in the room. At this point, it was probably 2 A.M., and we decided to go up to my room for a 'study break.'

    We fooled around a little bit before sleeping a few hours. Before we walked together to take the final, he gave me the most life-changing back massage and bought me breakfast.

    I was so exhausted during the final that I thought I bombed it. Not only did I get a B, but I got laid the night after."

    - Adrianna, 21

  6. Cheers, bro.

    "I'm live in my frat house, which basically guarantees me zero privacy.

    One night I took this girl back to my room in the frat, and we started going at it. The sex was great, plus she was a total screamer. I was a little drunk, so I didn't think to ask her to keep it down.

    After we were finished, she fell asleep, and I decided to get some water. I walked out of my room without putting anything on only to find five of my closest friends in the frat drinking in the lounge outside my room. Without saying anything, they handed my naked-ass a beer.

    I sat down on the couch next to them, my buddy fist bumped me, and the conversation continued as normal."

    - Orlando, 21

  7. Tortilla boobs

    "This one time I was drunk and hungry, so I put a tortilla in my bra… you know, to save for later.

    I went out to a few parties before I ended up hooking up with my guy friend. In the morning I woke up feeling uncomfortable, not because of the oncoming hangover but because there was something pokey in my bra.

    I pulled the tortilla out of my bra, and it had essentially become tortilla chips. I remember that I kept my bra on while we were having sex and I think the heat from my boobs cooked them.

    " - Karen, 21

  8. Born to live, live to (beer) die.

    "It was your average Friday night, and I was hammered at my buddies' house. The day fade had become a rager as the sun went down.

    I was taking pulls of cheap vodka in the kitchen when this girl asked if she could take a pull. Happy to share the wealth, I handed her the bottle, and this girl took a swig that might have been bigger than mine.

    I was instantly attracted to her.

    We started flirting, and we took it outside because it was so hot the windows were steaming. Out there we could drunkenly flirt and make out in peace. We sat on the beer die table and continued our makeout sesh, which gradually got hotter and heavier.

    Before I knew it I was on my back, girl on top, having sex outdoors on a die table.

    Afterward, she had to peel me off the plywood because it was so damn sticky."

    - Jose, 22

  9. Eskimo fam

    "If you are unfamiliar with greek life, you might be unfamiliar with the Big/little thing and other greek terminology.

    When you join a frat, you get a big. And even though they're supposed to be your guide, everyone expects everyone in their sorority fam to be their bestest friends. Everyone is always 'literally so obsessed' with their big or little. So there's a lot of pressure to find your perfect match in an insanely short amount of time.

    So I find this girl who I was "literally so obsessed" with and we became Big and little. We were out one-weekend drinking, as two sorority girls do, and we ran into this guy that I'd slept with a few years ago. We talked to him for a while before moving on to another party.

    As we were walking, I drunkenly leaned over and told her that I'd slept with him. She turned and said that she had too.

    There as a moment of pure terror. You never know how a girl is going to react to finding out that you're Eskimo sisters… and I was especially nervous because I wanted to have a good relationship with her…

    After this horrifying beat, we both burst into laughter. That's when I knew we were perfect for each other.

    It was a hilarious way to bond with my newfound little, and it was made even better because we both agreed that he was terrible in bed.

    We later found out that we are actually Eskimo sisters two-fold. I love my little."

    - Katelyn, 21

  10. Stop. Chicken nugget time.

    "One night I was hooking up with this guy who lived in the apartment above me. Before we started to hook up that night we decided it would be productive for us to put chicken nuggets in the oven before we started banging so that they'd be ready when we were done.

    After we finished having sex, I went into the kitchen to retrieve our chicken nuggets from the oven. I live in a house with three other friends, and we often have parties, so I wasn't surprised to see people in my kitchen, I was however surprised to see a guy I hooked up with last weekend.

    I got my chicken nuggets out of the oven and casually tried to walk back into my room, but the guy I hooked up with last weekend asked for a chicken nugget… So I gave him one before slipping back into my room with my hot neighbor to eat chicken nuggets before round two.

    " - Rachel, 21

  11. Dick so good her friends want to fuck me

    "I hooked up with this girl that had been in my friend group for a couple of years, and it was a pretty good time. I had every intention of trying to make a regular thing out of it… but now I'm just confused…

    When I was out at one of the college bars one of her friends, Angela, came up to me and started talking about how she heard about how I'd had sex with her friend. If I already wasn't caught off guard, I was completely taken aback when Angela said that her friend raved about how good I was in bed and that she wanted to have sex with me too.

    I haven't had sex with Angela or her friend again, but when I'm around the two of them, the sexual tension is thick.

    Maybe there's a threesome in my future?"

    - Edwardo, 22

  12. I sexed up Sean Penn

    "I decided to channel my inner punk and go to a house show. My friend knew one of the guys hosting, and I figured it could be fun to check it out with her. We, being the classy bitches we are, brought a bottle of wine each to the party.

    After the bands finished, we started hanging out with one of the lead singers of the other bands that played. I don't remember his name but let's call him Sean Penn, because he looked like Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

    We finished our wine and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to get more. Sean Penn came with us to the store and bought a bottle of Rose, I bought a cheap white, and my friend bought champagne.

    We went back to the party armed with a fresh pack of cigarettes and way too much wine.

    I think my friend ended up hooking up with one of the guys in the hosting band, which left me alone with hipster Sean Penn. Despite his uncanny resemblance to Academy Award-winning actor, I was kinda into him.

    We started making out. I was down to go further, but since he didn't live at the house, he didn't have a room. This was when he proposed - in true Spicoli style - we have sex in his band van. His dirty, sweaty, van that his band had been touring in. Thank god I lived a few blocks over.

    But yeah, I essentially slept with a younger, hipster-er, Sean Penn."

    - Kelly, 21

  13. The Office > sex

    "I was over at my FWB apartment and we were getting our Netflix and Chill on. We'd drank a couple of glasses of wine while watching The Office before we started to make out.

    I think he maybe had day faded a little too hard earlier because something was off while we were having sex. It just wasn't as good as it usually was.

    We were about a half hour into having sex when I started to get bored but thank god I was on my back because I could see the TV. While we were having boring sex, I was completely invested in the show. I actually laughed at one of the jokes at one point and had to play it off like whatever he was doing tickled." - Sarah, 21

*Names have been changed to protect privacy. Stories have been edited for clarity.