Video games are not just for nerdy guys anymore. Well, what is good for the Ubisofts and the EAs of the world is extremely unfortunate for all the girlfriends of gaming-system-owners.
A challenge that nearly every girlfriend faces is getting her man to pay attention to her, the increase in the popularity of gaming has only aggravated this problem. It's hard enough to convince I guy to sacrifice a night out with the boys, now we're expected to tear them away from Call of Duty too? It's gotten so bad that men would rather play video games than have sex.
As a woman who has dated many a video-game-obsessed man, I am all too familiar with the challenge of getting your boyf to pay more attention to you than League of Legends.
Here are a few tried and true strategies to trick your boyfriend into spending more time with you than he does with his Xbox.
One of the most direct routes to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Yes, while the saying is a total cliche it sure is true! Food is a fairly simple, and tasty, way to get a man away from his gaming system. If you want to yank him out of Skyrim and back into the real world, working some magic in the kitchen might be the way to go.
It might be as simple as asking him what he wants for dinner or baking some boxed brownies, or you might need to hold bacon directly under his nose to get his mouth watering.
If you want to derail him from whatever side quest he's focused on for more than 45 minutes, suggest going out to one of his favorite restaurants. Sweeten the pot by offering to pay. This way you'll have him far away from his screens so that he can't finish eating and immediately go back to playing Zombies. You might even be able to keep his attention later into the night by staying out on the town.
But by the time he's back home, I wouldn't count on you holding his attention very much longer… nope, not while Zelda is calling his name.
Every guy knows that if you start having sex with a girl and she's wearing matching underwear, she decided to have sex. It doesn't matter if he feels like he started putting on the moves. First, she decided she was going to have sex when she got dressed that morning.
If you want his attention, put on your favorite matching bra and panties. You shouldn't have to do much other than undress, so he notices your coordinating undergarments. If he doesn't get the point, you might have to literally stand in front of the TV. While this might get you a grumpy response at first, he should quickly notice that you want some sensual attention and pause his game.
So, he's particularly engrossed in his favorite FPS… you might have to straight up point out that you're wearing matching underwear and that means you want to have sex. Shouting directly at your man while in a state of undress to pay attention to you might be the best approach (you might need to wave your arms around or flash him) especially if he's playing Overwatch.
Now, this strategy usually works best in combination with wearing matching underwear. When your man is in the middle of a game and won't pay attention to you, you might be able to reach your goal by playing with him a little bit.
Sidle up to him and get handsy. Hell, even play with his joystick.
Not only is this incredibly entertaining if he's in the middle of a Live match, but you also regain a little bit of power. He can't move if he's playing a Live match or he'll let his team down and probably get a poor rating in the end. Most games have a rating system and will punish you for abandoning your game, and there is nothing like the rath of four angry 13 years old when you bail out of an L.O.L match mid-game. So you have him trapped.
This will be even better if he's on voice chat with his team, he obviously can't make any sexual noises, or he'll face the ridicule of his teammates for the rest of his life. This will force him to either pretend like everything is normal or occasionally mute to let you know how he's feeling.
If he quits in the middle of a live game regardless of the repercussions he's into you, he's so into you, in fact, you should just marry him on the spot.
Playing a game of your own is a surefire way to make sure this match is his last.
(If all else fails, put your mouth on it.)
This strategy requires a little more than lacey underwear and grabbing your man's junk… however, if that didn't work you might have to resort to digital warfare.
If you really want him to stop playing videogames for the night, pull the plug on him by resetting your router. But unplugging the router may not stop him only for the amount of time it takes to plug the thing back in or seem too deliberate. In that case, channel your inner hacker.
You can either change the password on the wifi, which should disconnect him from live causing him to reconnect to the router, which will be impossible since you changed the password to something he'd never guess.
Again, if you pull this move too often, it might seem entirely too deliberate. Or if you're at his place you might not know his admin password. In that case, time to pretend like you're a movie hacker, only this time your mission is attention at any cost.
Open up as many web pages on your laptop as you can and go to sites that use a lot of bandwidth like Netflix, Hulu, or an online game of your own. Using up all the bandwidth will slow down his game, which is probably already using a lot of it. Open more pages and apps on your phone until he completely lags out of his game.
People will tend to give up on Wifi for the night if it gets slow because technology tends to be finicky like that. Wait for him to give up on all hope of finishing his online game and draw him back in.
If caught doing these things, you might find yourself in a lengthy fight, or you might even get dumped (yes, gamers will break up with you over unsaved progress). So be cautious and secret agent sneaky.
When in doubt, do anal…
And when I say that I'm not entirely sarcastic… One way to yank your man's attention away from a screen is to offer something more gratifying than killing the next boss. If there is some sort of sex act that your bae is particularly into but you don't do that often, it might be worth putting that on the table.
While it might seem uncomfortable, using sex as a bargaining chip might be your last resort in this kind of situation. Make him a deal: an Xbox free night in for one sex act of his choice.
Who said you shouldn't use your body to get what you want?
I'd hate to use another cliche… but if you can't beat them, join them.
This is the perfect compromise. If you want to spend time with your boyf but he would rather spend time with his Playstation, meet him halfway and pick up the controller.
Dip your toe in the gaming world; you might find that you really like it. Your boyfriend will like showing you a part of his nerdy little world, and you'll get to spend some quality time with him.
Find a middle ground by having video game dates and dates that involve an unaugmented reality. This way you get attention, and he gets to feed his gaming addiction.
It's time to get your revenge, ladies…
So you decided to pick up the controller, and you've taken quite the liking to this video game thing… okay, gamer girl. It's time to beat him at his own games (literally).
Go into a Rocky-inspired training mode to max out your skill trees, strategically build your masteries, and perfect your hand-eye coordination. So he pays more attention to his video games… well, there will be no way to ignore you when you kick his ass.
Go out there and get revenge for all of us girls who can't get past the lowest levels of Mario. Destroy your boyfriend in Halo for all of us girls who's boyfriends might as well be dating Master Chief. Make him sorry he ever agreed to play you in Call of Duty, overshadow him when you play Overwatch with all his buddies, tear him apart in Super Smash Bros for all of us girls who haven't smashed since the release of Breadth of the Wild.
If you manage to beat him at his own game, he might finally put the controller down.