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15 Hilariously Unfortunate Sex Stories

Everyone who's ever had sex has a funny sex story. Whether your words betray you or your body, something funny is bound to happen. It almost seems that once you take your clothes off around someone, the possibility for hilarity exponentially increases. My personal favorite is that farting noise sweaty torsos make when they squish together, but that's just me. If you're not laughing whilst you're banging you're probably not doing it right. Here are some sex stories that aren't just a little funny, but are laugh-so-hard-your-stomach-hurts hilarious.

  1. When you relax a little too(t) much.

    "Once I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend at the time. It was probably one of the best I've ever had. I laid back and completely relaxed when I realized I completely forgot about the fart I was holding in. But it was too late; I let out this tiny, squeaky fart. My eyes got all wide as I made eye contact with my girlfriend, who burst into laughter after a second. Thankfully, I didn't ruin the mood, and she kept doing her thing."

    -Alex

  2. That moment when you're cockblocked by a pussy.

    "My boyfriend and I were having sex when he let out a scream. I apparently forgot to shut my door all the way, and my cat snuck up onto the bed. He started swatting at my boyfriend's butt while he was ontop. He has scratch marks from both me and the cat. Mostly the cat."

    -Sarah

  3. When your boyfriend thinks you have more holes than swiss cheese.

    "After having sex one night where my boyfriend had a little trouble finding the right hole - if you know what I mean. I cracked a joke that was something like 'Oh I can basically say I've done butt stuff after that one'. He looked at me super confused and asked what I meant. And I had to explain to him that his aim was a little off, and he kept going for my butt. He countered by saying that he thought he was putting it in my urethra the whole time beCAUSE HE THOUGHT THERE WERE THREE HOLES DOWN THERE. The American education system ultimately failed him when it comes to sex ed."

    -Poppy

  4. That moment when you unknowingly launch a tickle attack.

    "My friend-with-benefits and I were taking a shower together one night. I grabbed my loofa and started lathering him up. Apparently, he's beyond ticklish. He began laughing and writhing so wildly that he slipped and fell in the shower. He smacked his head on the side of the tub, giving himself a concussion. That was a fun trip to the emergency room."

    -Amy

  5. That moment when you need to make a great escape.

    "I decided to plan a sexy surprise for my boyfriend one night and zip tied my arms to my headboard. I told him that I'd leave the back door open for him while I took a nap and to just come in when he got off of work. Ten minutes go by, and I hear a knock at the door. I let him knock for a little while before I shout for him to come in. I apparently forgot to unlock the door. I had to break out of the zip ties and let him in."

    -Madeline

  6. When your sex playlist isn't so sexy.

    "I was going down on my girlfriend one night, and we had some sexy 'let's get it on music' playing in the background. The song changed to Little Mama's 'Lipgloss' and I lost it, basically blowing a raspberry right on her clit which startled her. Thankfully, I narrowly dodged an instinctive kick to the head."

    -Sam

  7. That moment when spiders attack.

    "My girlfriend and I were having sex in her dorm a couple of years ago. All of a sudden a wolf spider crawled up the back of the headboard and was staring me right in the face. I leaped off of her into a fight stance, grabbed a book off her desk, and killed it. I thought I was pretty heroic. However, I must have looked ridiculous because she laughed at my naked ninja stance for about 10 minutes."

    -Kevin

  8. When you try to be more exciting than a PS4 … and fail.

    "I was over at my boyfriend's house and slipped out of the room while he was playing video games to slip into something a little more comfortable. I came back in wearing new lingerie and tried to crawl sexily toward him across the bed. Apparently, Call of Duty was more enticing in the end. All my effort earned me was a kiss and a pat on the head before he turned back to PWNing NEWBS."

    -Rachel

  9. When you're SNOT feeling it anymore.

    "I left the room really quick to brush my teeth before getting it on with my boyfriend. When I walked back in I caught him picking his nose and wiping it on my sheets. I called him out on it, and he denied the whole thing even though I saw him. We did not have sex that night."

    -Victoria

  10. When your mouth betrays you.

    "During my first real make-out sesh with this girl I had been seeing, I straight up burped in her mouth. For some reason, she's still dating me."

    -Josh

  11. When the sex is so good you end up in the hospital.

    "I was ontop of my boyfriend giving him the best ride of his life, when I leaned down to grab the headboard. I completely misjudged how far the headboard was and ended up smacking my head against it. I gave myself a concussion and ended up in the hospital."

    -Lana

  12. That moment when you're cock blocked by bunnies.

    "So my boyfriend and I are getting it on. All of a sudden I feel this itching and burning where he'd been touching me, specifically down under. We turn on the lights, and I'm covered in hives. My boyfriend worked with animals and was handling bunnies earlier. I'm very allergic to rabbits. He ran to the store for allergy meds and that night ended with me naked in the bathtub covered in topical Benadryl."

    -Katie

  13. When your nose betrays you.

    "So, I'm in high school and my girlfriend's parents go out of town, so naturally, I sleep over at hers. We're in her room, and she strips down, and I think to myself 'Holy shit, I'm going to lose my virginity.' Well, that didn't end up happening because I got so excited my nose started bleeding."

    -Henry

  14. When you earn yourself a pretty epic nickname for the worst reason.

    "My friends call me the white dragon. Why, you ask? Because I was giving this guy head and when he finished it shot out of my nose. Unfortunately, we have the same group of friends and they all found out."

    -Juliet

  15. And last but not least…
  16. When you get so excited you literally poop a little.

    "My boyfriend was ontop of me in missionary position. He was really giving it to me, and I started to come really hard. All of a sudden, mid-orgasm I felt something rocket out of my butt. I straight up pooped a little. After he had finished, he rolled off of me, and I slyly scooped the tiny turd up into a tissue under the guise of cleaning up. He still has no idea that it ever happened."

    -Michelle

  17. *Names have been changed