A Field Guide to the 11 Guys You'll Meet on Tinder

There's nothing better than wasting an evening swiping away on Tinder or Bumble whilst company of some white wine. Better yet, if you have a girlfriend over you're bound to have a whole lot of fun online. If you're an avid dating app user, I'm sure you've noticed that most guys fit into a couple of categories. Before you even read through their entire profile, it's pretty easy to figure out which archetype they belong to. Here's a comprehensive list of the 11 guys - who embody online dating cliches - you'll meet while online dating.

Mumford's Son

Of course, by this moniker I mean hipster. This guy is the first to be on top of the latest trends, no matter how atrocious. Whatever's new in fashion or music or anything really, you can bet he heard of it a couple of months ago. ago.

You can expect this guy to have pictures of himself on his fixed gear (not 'fixie,' God get it right) bike all over his profile. If you do eventually meet up with this guy you can expect to venture to a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop or some quirky eatery you've never heard of for your first date.

He loathes anything remotely mainstream and very well might have a waxed mustache. This guy is probably on the sensitive side, and by that I mean physically. Unless he's a member of the outdoorsy sub-species of hipster, he's never been to the gym in his life. Besides, he's more concerned with writing his memoir than his dad bod.

Muscle Bro

You'll know a muscle bro right away because he's barely clothed in any of his profile pictures. This guy takes every opportunity to show off his cut physic by wearing no shirt, or worse those badly cut gym shirts, in his pictures and by showing that he does actually leg day by posting pics in his disturbingly tiny board shorts.

This guy probably only swipes right on fit girls, but if he ends up swiping right on you hardly frequents the gym - let's be honest, you never go to the gym unless it's to half ass Zumba - you can bet that he'll probably try to make you work out with him.

If you two end up dating, no more fro yo for you unless it's in secret. Muscle bros eat disgustingly healthy. That means you can say goodbye to chocolate and hello to wheat grass. A whole lot of wheat grass.

The Group Selfie Taker

The best part about this guy is that you'll likely never figure out who he is unless you meet him. He's a mystery this one. None of his pictures are of him alone. Nope, never. It seems as though he's only able to be photographed when twelve of his closest friends are around.

Maybe he just travels in packs. Maybe it's actually a joint account for him and all his buddies. This elusive creature manages to wear many faces or at least two since there's always the same couple guys in every picture.

While this guy may be the sweetest thing online, you can probably bet that he's the ugly one in the pictures. It's best to let this guy remain a mystery.

Eternally DTF

Icky is the best word to describe this dude. If you're lucky, you might find a rare one of these guys who posts pictures of his clothed body. What's even rarer is for the Eternally DTF to post a picture of his face. This breed of online dater is characterized by the appalling amount of nakedness on his profile.

If the enforcers of the code of conduct haven't caught up to this guy yet, he probably has an array of dick pics on his profile - yes, from different angles! He probably doesn't even have a bio, but if he does it's usually something stupid like "looking for fun" or "in town for one night, who wants to bang?".

If you're looking for a hook-up fueled by the excitement of stranger danger and possibly contracting a venereal disease, then swipe right. However, if you value your livelihood, it's best to report the guy for his excessive nudity and try to permanently erase the image of his penis from your mind.

"Rich" Asshat

Does this particular guy have an album of pictures of his boating trips, encounters with tigers, and him posed next to his wildly expensive car? Congrats, you've come across the wannabe rich kid. I'll let you in on a little secret: that's his dad's boss' boat, if that car isn't a lease it's his buddy's, and that tiger is certainly not his.

If this guy were actually rich, he probably wouldn't need to flaunt it on a dating site. He might aspire to live this sort of lifestyle, but I'm willing to bet a modest amount of money that he's faking it. Or he's a spoiled rich kid, and I'm not entirely sure what's worse. Hold out for the real deal, girl.

Camo Clad Fisherman Extrodinare

Ah yes, the cowboy. You're bound to find at least a few of these online even if you live in a city. This so-called 'southern boy' probably isn't so southern at all. He's probably some wannabe who actually enjoys country music due to some defect.

On the off chance this guy can actually fire a gun without knocking himself on his ass, he probably smells like the inside of a cowboy boot. Guys like this spend most of their time fishing, thinking about fishing, or listening to music about fishing and trucks and dogs.

In theory, a southern gentleman sounds nice, but if you live in L.A., this guy's probably a poser. He probably didn't catch the fish he's holding in his profile picture, and his truck is hardly dirty. But it's one thing to be the real deal, and it's another to post a picture holding up dead deer you shot. Girls don't want to see that! We like our animals ALIVE.

Actual Inhuman Bridgetroll

Okay, you're swiping along on your dating app of choice, and suddenly you're met with a profile that changes your life, that shakes your very soul. What the hell is this thing? This guy barely looks human. He resembles something that crawled out of a city dumpster.

If you dare read this thing's bio, do it quickly for I'm not sure what you'll find. Perhaps some dark quotes about death or the oblivion. You might stumble across some pictures of things that'd mentally maim the strongest of women. The best thing you can do is swipe left and take a moment to breathe and try to forget that creatures from hell have somehow managed to join the online dating scene.

Untouchable Hottie

Holy hotness, Batman. This guy is an actual sex angel sent from hot man heaven. Every inch of this dude is perfect, from his perfectly tousled bed head to his impeccable style. His abs look like they've been chiseled by Michelangelo himself. He's muscley without being body-builder gross and trendy without looking like he crawled out of goodwill.

His bio is an actual work of art. He tells you just enough about himself to draw you in but leaves so much to mystery. He's quoted your favorite Harry Potter book and listens to good music. But is he real? Of course, he's real. But would he ever speak to you? I mean sure you haven't seen the gym since January 1st, you never wash the sweat pants your wearing, and you may or may not own a couple of cats.

You'll probably never meet or speak to this guy because you're probably hallucinating, but hey he's fun to look at. So screenshot his profile before you swipe right and pray that you get a match back. I mean it's worth a shot, right?

Festi Head

So you may have gone to Coachella once or twice, and you've seen a couple of your favorite bands live. I mean you're pretty into music, but girl you have nothing on this guy. He's been to every single Coachella since his birth and frequents festivals you've never actually heard of.

This guy's pictures are all of him decked out in neon or whatever Indian headdress he thought was appropriate to wear to Outsidelands. He owns about six hundred pairs of neon sunglasses and has a pretty impressive bro-tank tan line. The entire purpose of this guy's life is three day long festivals.

Sure, he's seen Kanye and every single EDM DJ live, but homeboy is broke. He spends all his money on tickets to festivals several months in advance, and he blows all the cash he has left on merch once he's there. If you're not ready to join his nomadic, festival going lifestyle, then don't expect any replies back from this guy.

Perfection Embodied

This brand of dude is the rarest of them all. He's cute without being intimidating, he's in decent shape, and is that a puppy? His interests match yours perfectly, and his bio isn't terrible or non-existent. When you come across this guy online, you very well might become a believer in love at first sight.

He's normal without being boring; he isn't holding a dead fish in any of his pictures, and that is a puppy. You've come across a potential soulmate. He's the kind of guy you follow on Instagram before swiping right just in case you lose him. This, my friend, is hitting the online dating jackpot.

Um, he definitely just matched you back. What are you waiting for, stop reading this and talk to him! The dating gods have smiled upon you. Go forth and rejoice.