Halloween Handbook: The 5 Girls You Will to Meet on Halloween

Whether you'll be celebrating Halloween as a week-long costumed extravaganza or only on the hallowed night itself, you're bound to run into plenty of creatures. Guys on Halloween are a whole different story, however when it comes to the female partiers, you're bound to encounter members of five distinct species.

In order to better navigate during your debaucherously spooky experience on October 31st, I've compiled a list - a field guide if you will - of the five particular kinds of women you'll meet while partying on Halloween.

  1. The Lazy Pinterest Chick

    You can tell this girl either completely forgot it was Halloween or was entirely too lazy or frugal to spend 70$ on a store bought costume. In a desperate effort to partake in the binge drinking she did what anyone else does when they're in a panic: turn to the internet

    It's obvious that she frantically searched Pinterest for a costume that she could DIY with only what she had in her closet.

    This breed of partier is marked by low-cost, low-effort costumes comprised of normal articles of clothing usually paired with fancy makeup.

    Members of his category include the girl wearing all black and cat ears, the chick dressed in her trust-fund boyfriend's clothes in an effort to emulate a frat star, the lady who painted her face like a skull with liquid liner, and creatures of the like.

  2. The Walking Pun

    You will either absolutely despise this girl or unendingly adore her. Her costume will not make any inkling of sense at first. But upon further investigation, you might be able to figure out what joke she's trying to make. However, more often than not you'll find yourself giving up and straight up asking her what the hell she's dressed as.

    There's a sort of hierarchy to this species. You have those dressed as painfully obvious puns at the lowest tier; girls dressed as extremely clever puns at the very top with varying levels of cleverness filling in the tiers in the middle. Regardless of how clever their costumes, you'll be rolling your eyes when they reveal that they're dressed as a "Cereal Killer."

    There also exists a subspecies of The Walking Pun; I like to call The Political Pun. This is the kind of girl who dresses as "Chillary Clinton" as an excuse to wear sunglasses inside and spend the night texting in the corner.

    And yes, the members of this group will drunkenly spout terrible puns all night.

  3. The Victoria's Secret Angel

    Every other girl envies this girl (and probably hates her a little). You can tell she's been in the gym preparing for this very night. The world is her runway as she struts around the party in skimpy lingerie paired with cat ears, or devil horns, or whatever seemingly obsolete accessory that excuses near public nudity as a costume.

    You can expect this girl to be wildly over the top. If she's a true angel, she'll remain committed to those six-inch stilettos all night - or at least until some lucky guy musters up the bravery to talk to her and convince her that he's worthy of a one night stand.



  4. The Pro

    Sure, The Victoria's Secret Angel has been in the gym getting ready for Halloween, but her preparation in no way can compare to that of The Pro.

    She's had her costumes -yes, plural- planned a year or two in advance. She's painstakingly researched how to achieve such a likeness to the character or creature she's chosen to emulate. She's spent about one-thousand dollars at Michaels5 and other various craft stores. Not to mention how many hours she's spent picking out the perfect fake blood or styling her wig just right.

    She has been counting down to this day since November 1st of last year. She's been training for this night. This is her moment. This is her time to shine, dammit.

    This girl will enter the costume contest at whatever club and pray that this time she won't be beaten by the lingerie-clad woman competing against her for those coveted drink vouchers.

    This year is finally her year to take home the crown. And if she's beaten again by another hard bodied chick dressed as a half-assed Malibu Barbie, she'll drown her sorrows in themed drinks at the bar. But what separates her from the other drunk creatures is that she gets hammered all while keeping her hyper-accurate Mystique makeup intact.

  5. The Lost and Squadless

    What's that girl dressed as you ask? Well, it certainly is a mystery now since she lost the rest of her squad who naively decided on a group costume that year. Without her friends by her side throughout the entire night, she might as well not have dressed up at all. No squad means not context for her costume, which means the poor girl dressed like Gretchen Weiners just looks like she forgot she's not living in the early 2000's.

    And I think we all can agree that it's near impossible to keep a group of more than three drunk girls in one place. Everyone has that one friend who disappears into the night after the first couple rounds of shots. I think about 30% of everyone's girl friends are this type of person. Going by these numbers, at least one girl who's key to your squad costume is bound to disappear becoming a Lost and Squadless girl and leaving the rest of you down a member of the Clueless 4posse.

So if you're planning on going out on Halloween, or one of the surrounding days, keep an eye out for these common species of party goer. Or if you're a girl try to be conscious of your party habits and refrain from falling in with the worst of them. However, if you're going to allow yourself to become a part of a species maybe shoot for being a Victoria's Secret Angel. Because everyone wants to be the hot girl at the party.