Nearly everyone—whether they admit or not—has at one point craved a friends with benefits (FWB) type of relationship. The casual sex, zero monogamous commitment and emotionless bond to each other—who doesn’t just want to have fun every once in a while? Having a friend with benefits provides you with all of the above, but there is one crucial, unspoken rule that must be honored for the FWB relationship to work: one must never catch feelings for the other. Now sometimes fairytales do exist, and happy endings can happen, where both people involved may develop feelings for one another and a real, genuine relationship is formed and enjoyed, but 90% of the time this is not the case. For those of you who just had their heart broken or merely wish to have an outlet for your sexual drive, here are seven tips for finding and maintaining a friend with benefits.
One of the most important and moral tips, make sure your potential friend with benefits is available, a.k.a. single or not in a relationship. The last thing you want to be is the other woman (or man). Not only should the person being single, but also they shouldn’t be dealing with a devastating break-up, the loss of a loved one or so invested in their career that they rarely have the time for you. This person should be fun, stable and up for anything!
And never, hook up your ex.
Now I am not saying you should seek that cute boy or girl you’ve had a crush on since grade school—unless that’s your sole intention—but go after someone who you already share a real connection with and enjoy being around. Liking the person and thinking they’re cute prior to the whole situation is fine, just make sure they aren’t someone you would normally date if you wish to stay single in the long run.
Natural chemistry is very important and will allow for more fun in the long run, just remember that you aren’t looking for someone to stay up all night with talking about life, but merely someone to rip your clothes off and release your sexual desires upon.
The absolute most vital rule to the survival of a friend with benefits relationship is setting ground rules, and the sooner, the better. Make sure they know the relationship starts and ends with sex. Sexual encounters and interactions are usually the number one breeding spot for feelings and emotions, and even though neither of you may be looking for them, they usually end up creeping up on one of you and putting the entire relationship at risk.
There are and should be numerous ground rules regarding your friends with benefits. One of which is remaining open to other people and not being monogamous. If you find yourself on a date with another person or waking up in a bed beside yours or your FWB’s, don’t sweat it and just be honest.
No matter your ground rules make sure they are apparent, agreeable and followed to the best of your abilities’. The success of your friends with benefits relationship relies on it.
Keeping it simple and casual will result in a longer relationship, which results in longer no-strings-attached sexual pleasure, which I’m sure is exactly what you want.
What I mean exactly by “keep it simple” is pretty simple: no going on dates, no inviting he/she to a family wedding or holiday parties, basically avoid anything that could cause feelings and attachment between the two of you. Keep it simple means keep it strictly sexual. You should see each other in the bedroom more than you do out at bars or parties.
Keep it casual by keeping it spontaneous, fun and not too often. If you two are meeting up every other night then soon the exciting aspect will fizzle out and you will become bored with one another. Limit your sexual interactions together to once or twice a week to guarantee the flare and exhilaration each time you lay down together.
A major key to maintaining a friend with benefits is always remaining cool, calm and collective. If you don’t receive a reply to your text at two a.m. or even a, “No, not tonight,” simply leave it at that and let them be. Never beg for otherwise or act desperate, it is very unbecoming and signifies a potential emotional bond, which could turn away your partner altogether.
If you wish to keep the relationship rolling and reap all the pleasures of a friend with benefits, then never, ever refer to the two of you as “us” or make future plans together. Remember that you are not in a relationship and are not bonded to each other by anything more than a sexual connection. You should never feel obligated—and especially not the desire— to make plans with your partner regarding future engagements, such as a movie premier, an upcoming concert or the traveling circus in town.
As soon as you two are walking the streets of downtown together or sitting at a table for two with a candle and flower as the centerpiece, your friends with benefits relationship is about to either bloom into a real relationship or fall apart altogether due to unreciprocated feelings. Keep things solely in the bedroom and remember to maintain your own personal hobbies and habits.
Easily the most important rule in all aspects of sexual interactions is safe sex. Whether it’s a one-night stand, a weekly meeting with your friend with benefits or even the 1,000th time for you and your significant other, safe sex is always the best kind of sex…at least in the long run.
Accidentally impregnating your girlfriend can be perplexing and detrimental enough, but impregnating your mere sexual partner whom you share zero emotional connection with can be devastating.
Also, due to the monogamous relationship between you and your FWB, who knows whom else they may be sleeping with. Each time you have sex with them, you’re essentially having sex with every person they’ve slept with as well. So while practicing safe sex can prevent any mishaps in the baby department, it can also help you avoid any STI’s that you’d otherwise have nothing to do with.