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How To NOT Be An Overly Attached Girlfriend

There is one thing worse than having an overly attached girlfriend: being an overly attached girlfriend.

Sometimes it's tricky to tell if you're just in need of a little extra love or if you are actually acting like a psychopath. Here are a few steps you can take to make sure your worst nightmare of becoming a clingy girlfriend doesn't come true.

  1. Do things alone

    A key to having a healthy relationship is - believe it or not - spending time apart. Yes, clingy girl, this statement goes against everything you believe in. But hear me out.

    While hanging out together is crucial to building and maintaining your relationship, you need to spend time alone. If you do every single thing together, you are inevitably going to start to resent one another.

    When you spend every waking moment with your boyfriend, you'll start to notice little things about them that will annoy the hell out of you. And he'll start to notice those annoying, little things about you.

    The time you spend apart will not only ease the tension that comes with spending days-on-end together, but it'll make your partner miss you.

    So skip your usual lunch date for a while, don't spend all your nights at his apartment, and don't be afraid to do things on your own. Not only will it make you seem a whole lot less clingy when you are together your man will want to lavish you with the attention you crave.

  2. Have your own life

    So, your boyfriend has truly become your entire life. If your boyfriend is your only friend, you're naturally going to interject yourself into every aspect of his life. The best way to combat this is to have your own hobbies, your own friends, and your own life that is completely separate from his.

    When you started this relationship, you may have seriously neglected all your friends and spent all your time with your boyfriend, thus making him your entire life. Here is where the clinginess begins: Because you have no life, you have to make yourself present for every second of his. While it's natural for your lives to become intertwined as your relationship becomes increasingly more serious, you should still pieces of your life that are separate from his.

    If you're this girl without a life of her own, you're going to need to rediscover what you did when you were single, for both you and your boyfriend's sanity.

    Remember all those friends you had before you started dating this guy? Yeah, remember them? Well, reach out to them. Have a girl's night. Refocus back on your career and other hobbies that you used to love to spend time on before you started pouring all your time into your boyfriend.

    To be honest, it's actually wildly unhealthy for your this guy to be your life. Your endless devotion won't come off as charming… he'll get creeped out, annoyed, and want to leave you. And then what will you do once you have no boyfriend and no life?

  3. Stop checking your phone… and his…

    Social media is evil.

    Okay, sure it helps us stay connected with people we would otherwise have no contact with. And yes, it can be a great way to make some side money. And okay, I guess it's entertaining - especially when those likes start to roll in after you make an instant post… but when it comes to relationships, social media is poison.

    I don't care if you met via sliding into his DMs or through a friend on Facebook. Social media and smartphones perpetuate jealousy in relationships and ultimately can tear anyone apart.

    Are you constantly checking who's photos he likes on Insta? Do you stalk your man on Snapmaps? Did you put your thumb in his TouchId so you can creep through his texts? Don't let social media fuel any jealous tendencies you might have.

    Guys notice when their girlfriends become hyper-conscious of their social media usage and will begin to feel smothered. Stop constantly checking all of his social media profiles several times a day and obsessing over his activity. You'll fuel your jealousy and let's be honest… green isn't the most flattering color.

    But yes… there is another even more annoying way you can cling digitally… by posting about your boyf 24/7.

    Are all your posts on Insta are couple's photos? Are your bios across all platforms essentially a series of shrines to your relationship? Are most of your Tweets updates about how in love you are?

    If so, you need to stop.

    Posting all about your relationship will not only make your partner feel smothered, but your followers are also going to start to get annoyed too. When people post endlessly about their relationship, it seems like they're overcompensating for something. It seems like there is something fundamentally wrong that they are trying to gloss over.

    So if your Facebook wall could be mistaken for that of an obsessed stalker, you need to step back and evaluate what you're trying to accomplish by memorializing your relationship online.

  4. Let him have gal pals

    Do you find yourself constantly worrying about your boyfriend's female friends? Do you find that your jealousy flares anytime he even looks in the general direction of another woman?

    You need to let your boyfriend have friends… even if they are women.

    Not only will you seem clingy, but you'll seem controlling if you start to try to eliminate all his female friends. You don't want to be domineering as that's an extremely unattractive quality in anyone. It's just as bad - if not worse than being overly attached.

    You can probably relax when it comes to his lady friends, especially if you're already prone to jealous thinking. It's unlikely that your boyfriend is cheating with all his female friends . His gal pals aren't out to destroy your relationship, but you'll succeed in doing that if you keep acting like a crazy girlfriend and continue to try to control his life.

    Try to quench your jealousy by reminding yourself that there is a reason you are his girlfriend. Don't fan the flame by allowing yourself to think the very worst about his friends.

    There is usually an apparent difference in how men act around their female friends and women they are sexually or romantically interested in. You should learn to know the difference or risk looking like a crazy person.

  5. Be independant

    Being in a relationship doesn't mean you get to be completely dependant on your partner. One of the most clingy, overly attached habits you could possibly get into is relying on your boyfriend to do literally everything for you.

    If you are incapable of doing anything by yourself or are unable of being able to be self-sufficient now that you're in a relationship, you have a serious problem.

    Part of being in a relationship is being reliant on both yourself and the other. Yes, it's okay for your boyfriend to be the designated spider-killer and sink-fixer in the relationship, but you should be able to do most things on your own. And if it really came down to it, you should be able to kill that spider or at least be able to fix things in your home (I reccomend this book as a guide!) without your boyfriend's help.

    You should not only be able to do things on your own but even do things for your boyfriend. Don't be the clingy, taker in the relationship. Learn to be just as much as a giver.

  6. Trust him

    Another reason why you might be clinging harder than a koala might stem from a lack of trust in your boyfriend.

    There's a good chance you're clinging because you don't trust him to put in as much effort as you, so you're overcompensating by becoming overly attached. Or you might be concerned he's being unfaithful and feel if you attach yourself to him he'll be more likely to stay loyal to you.

    To have a healthy relationship you're going to have to peel yourself off the man and trust that he's invested in the relationship. Sure, there might be a possibility that he's pulling away or is actually acting distant. If he has been acting particularly distant, the right thing to do is to talk to him about it, not superglue yourself to him.

    Think long and hard about if he is actually pulling away or if you perceive him as distancing himself because you don't trust his feelings.



  7. Check your feelings

    Signals get crossed. Things get lost in translation. Communication gets muddled. You can either deal with the anxiety that comes with leaving these hiccups in communication unaddressed or you can talk about them.

    Because of how closely people are connected these days, we are throwing a lot of information at one another digitally. Plus, people are becoming less and less adept at actually communicating in person. People often take things too personally or spend way too much time overanalyzing. We feel like we aren't getting the attention we need but are too afraid to ask for it.

    Instead of clinging to your partner, think about why you feel like you need more attention or more control over your boyfriend. If it's for a trivial reason or because you're overanalyzing either backoff or talk about the problem.

    If you feel like you're in need of extra attention, there is no harm in asking for it. Asking for attention from your boyfriend when you're feeling down is NOT being clingy (if your boyfriend says that behavior is clingy and annoying then you have a whole different set of problems on your hands).

    A lot of times the difference between acting clingy and needing a little extra love is having a conversation about why you're down.

    Again, analyzing why you might be acting like a clinger is important, so you don't end up as his crazy ex-girlfriend who is legally disallowed less than 50 feet from him.