A lot of people say that their first time was terrible. Well, your first time is bound to be a little awkward, but it does not have to be an emotionally scarring experience. It is entirely possible. How do I know? For starters, my first time was a little uncomfortable at first, but it was actually pretty great! No emotional trauma here!
Speaking from experience, I'd say that sex is inherently awkward. Being a virgin in any sexual situation is infinitely more awkward. Being clueless about what's going on when hormones are raging, and hearts are pounding just adds to the confusion (and it certainly doesn't help that most of your brain blood is circulating elsewhere).
The only way to make your first sexual experiences significantly less awkward is by doing a little research. Yes, I know research doesn't sound sexy. I promise that once you're in the moment, you're going to be glad you did some light reading before hand.
If you do your homework your first time doesn't have to be nightmarish at all! It can actually be pretty great (and believe me, it only gets better after the first time). So create a sensual ambiance with some scented candles and a little mood music and keep these tips in mind.
Okay, let's talk condoms: Guys, you should be wearing them. Girls, you should be carrying them in your purse.
I should be able to leave it at that, but I will elaborate for the sake of knowledge. Having sex for the first time is nerve wracking enough, you shouldn't have to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant or an STI. To have decent sex, you need to relax, and it is challenging to find that blissful place if you aren't using a condom.
Additionally, you should be using two forms of contraception to decrease your chances of pregnancy and getting an STI. And no this doesn't mean you should double wrap it. "Double wrapping" can actually reduce the effectiveness of wearing a condom by creating friction in between the two barriers which make tearing more likely.
If you're going to have sex with someone, and they try to skip this step you may want to reconsider your choice in partner.
Protip: my fave condoms are from Lovablility! They're packaged right-side-up - in adorable, purse safe packaging) - so there's no confusion as to which way to roll them on. And they don't smell like latex at all. They're organic and vegan too! So you don't have to worry about what you're putting on/in your body.
I highly recommend ordering these for your first time as it will make you feel safer, help you relax, and you don't have to worry about which way you roll the condom on!
When it comes to consent, you literally cannot have sex without it. Otherwise, the act becomes something entirely different and criminal.
However, if you are communicating with your partner, you should not have any issues on this front. During your first time, you are probably going to be nervous. Firstly, tell your partner that it is your first time or if you're scared about telling your partner that you're a virgin say that you are very, very inexperienced.
Opening up a dialogue with your partner will help your first time run more smoothly and make you feel less hesitant about asking what you want.
Consent doesn't necissarily mean you have to ask someone if everything is okay before you do it, consent can come in the form of enthusiastic moaning or movement. If you feel more comfortable giving and receiving consent it doesn't have to be awkward; consent can be very sexy depending on how you ask for it and give it
In short, no. You can never have too much foreplay.
Foreplay is what gets the juices flowing (both figuratively and literally). If you are worried about experiencing or inducing pain, then you should be engaging in some lengthy foreplay. This allows the vagina to become lubricated and the muscles to relax. The reason most people experience a lot of pain is that they can't relax and thus don't become properly lubricated.
Engaging in foreplay allows you both to settle into one another's company so that you both can relax and become fully aroused.
And if you're worried that you're dragging the foreplay out too long, don't. Studies show that around 30% of sexually active adults want foreplay to last longer.
Ah, lube. I love lube. You should always have this on hand when you're having sex, not just when you're losing your virginity. However, there are a few things that you need to be aware of when it comes to this gloriously slippery substance.
Oil based lubes are not safe to use with condoms. The oil breaks down the latex in condoms, are more likely to cause vaginal irritation and are hard to clean up. So stay away from oil.
Silicone and water based lubes what you should be using in conjunction with condoms. Silicone is hypoallergenic which makes it suitable for those with sensitive skin and it doesn't need to be reapplied as often as water based lube. Silicone is perfect for if you plan on fooling around in the shower. The only downside to silicone is that you cannot use them with silicone toys as the silicone will break down over time.
Oh, one more thing… DO NOT USE FLAVORED LUBE INTERNALLY. Flavored lube contains glucose that can throw off the PH balance inside the vagina and cause an infection. Plus they're sticky and usually pretty gross tasting.
Coincidentally, my favorite water based lube is also made by Lovablility! Not only is it organic, vegan, and condom safe, this stuff helps balance vaginal PH and can help soothe irritation. It's so aptly called Hallelubeyah, how can you not be a fan?
One of the keys to relaxing during sex is breathing. Take deep slow breaths to calm yourself down. When things start picking up, it's imperative to remember to breathe.
Don't let yourself start breathing too heavily or it might be difficult to last long or orgasm at all. Just slow down, mind your breathing, and enjoy yourself.
And remember, if you need to catch your breath or take a second it's always okay to take a breather. Good sex doesn't have to adhere to a predetermined order. You can always hop off each other, get a little more foreplay on, and then get back to doin' it.
The fear of bleeding during sex surprisingly keeps a lot of people from losing it. This is where some sexual knowledge can definitely ease your nerves.
Bleeding is totally normal. It can even happen after you lose your virginity. Bleeding can occur for a multitude of different reasons: Some of these reasons can be the lack of lubrication, lack of arousal, not relaxing, and scratching to name a few.
These problems can be solved with proper lubrication, a ton of foreplay, communication, deep breathing, and clipping your nails. However, you might still bleed. And that's okay. It's totally normal.
If you're worried about staining sheets beyond saving, don't worry. When you bleed, it's usually a minimal amount. Throw a towel down to help yourself relax if you're really concerned (or if your sheets are from Anthropology).
If you bleed a lot -like heavy period amount - or if you continue to bleed regularly during sex after your first time you should see a doctor.
Maybe! A lot of people with vaginas usually don't have an orgasm the first time as they often need a little clitoral stimulation to get there. On top of that some people find it very difficult to relax during their first time. People with penises usually do orgasm!
If you're worried about not lasting very long, then you can always go for round two.
If you still have questions I suggest heading over to the Sexplanations YouTube channel. The woman who runs this channel, Dr. Lindsey Doe, is a clinical sexologist. She can probably answer any other questions you might have about your first time in her videos!
So long as you keep these tips in mind, you shouldn't have any trouble getting it on for the first time. Just try not to do or say anything dumb or it might be your first and last time getting laid.